… and I definitely have friends like these.
Well, one in particular.
I’m thinking maybe you do, too.
This is the kind of friend who is mostly interested in themselves … and will talk ad infinitum about this and that … not taking a hint … and … will … not … stop … talking.
No matter what you have done or has happened to you, they have done it more … or better … or something.
I will not mention any names … you never know who might read this down the line.
Not that I avoid these calls when I see the number on Caller ID … much.
I just had a call like this. And this is how it went.
She: Hey Holly … how are you doing?
Me: Do you really want to know?
She: Well sure … but first I have to tell you something.
(Insert several minutes of the latest with various others … drama intended.)
Me: Well, a few things have happened to me recently … actually.
She: Oh yeah? What?
Me: Well, remember the man who held me at gunpoint a ways back? Well they decided yesterday to let him out. My life is in danger.
She: Really? Well, the Food Bank really helped me out yesterday. They gave me such nice things. I have to thank them.
Me: (wondering what a Food Bank has to do with the soon to be released gun nut) Oh, well. That’s good … do you know any electricians who could maybe install some security lights for me?
She: Oh my ex-husband is so talented. He can fix anything. I mean, if he wasn’t such a hoarder and the personal hygeine and stuff. You should meet him. You’d like him. There’s not really much wrong with him. And I think he wants to date again.
(insert several more minutes on the pros and cons of said ex-husband)
Me: Well, if he can do security lights and cameras that would be nice.
She: Oh, he is so talented … did I ever tell you about the time when … (insert several more minutes of stories having nothing to do with my impending demise.)
Me: Well there was one other thing.
Me: Remember my friend? The one I used to work with and (insert a few kind words ala yesterdays post)
She: Sure I do. He is great. How is he?
Me: He died. And was buried yesterday.
She: Oh how awful. I think I will write a song. You know I am really good at writing songs. I think I will sing a song for the people at the Food Bank. The ones who helped me. You know that song I wrote a few years ago about (input several minutes about stupid song.)
She: So why didn’t you call me to tell me about that?
Me: I did. Yesterday.
She: Oh. When we were talking about (fill in the names of several mutual friends here)?
Me: (… and I couldn’t get a word in edgewise) Yeah.
She: Well you know about (fill in the names of several mutual friends here) and I can’t believe that they (fill in the stories of several mutual friends here).
Me: Well, I really have to go here.
She: Yes, well I was surprised by it all too … after all … (five more minutes of stuff I didn’t care about.)
Me: Well, my feet are on fire … and I really have to go.
She: And then of all things … this is what happened. (more minutes of stupid stuff.)
Me: Yeah … the house is falling down all around me … tornado going through … probably should hang up now.
She: No … wait … I have to tell you what my husband did … (more talking)
Me: No. Seriously. I have to go. Now.
She: Oh, wait … (and leaves the phone).
I didn’t wait.
Or answer her call-backs.
I’m still looking for an electrician.