Yep. You read it correctly. A failure.

Thinking back over the years, I never failed a class in school … though I probably should have … twice. And there is an argument to be made for the failure of my marriage … my part … his part … whatever. Lots of other things that I have failed at or come close to failing at.

But today?

Today I am formally giving up on … drumroll please … the two writing challenges that I was going to do for the month of April.

First is NaPoWriMo … in which I was going to write a Haiku each day for the month. Good idea. Great in theory. And in all honesty I planned to do this one from way back.

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Second is the A to Z Challenge. I came across this late. I mean how hard could this one be? A few words starting with the same letter. A paragraph or two on a topic of that letter. A picture perhaps?

And I was going to get Sundays off even.

Once more … a failure.

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I had really hoped to do both of those challenges, even though the NaPoWriMo one last year really pushed me to the limits. I even had hoped, once I fell behind, that I could catch up. But that was not to be the case.

Now for the healing.

Because that is always a good thing to do after you recognize a failure.

And my mind wandered. Back to the quote which so inspired me at the start of this year. By Neil Gaiman. The ones I read each day for the first month this year. And have been basically following.

Make New Mistakes.
Make glorious, amazing mistakes. Make mistakes nobody’s ever made before.

Don’t freeze, don’t stop, don’t worry that it isn’t good enough, or it isn’t perfect, whatever it is: art, or love, or work or family or life.

Whatever it is you’re scared of doing, Do it.
Make your mistakes, next year and forever.

And it struck me.

I have made a mistake. I am not a mistake.

I have failed in that I bit off more than I could chew.

I failed, but I am not a failure.

Oh.  And for the record? About those quotes? I am still looking to find someone for the “Kiss someone who thinks you’re wonderful” part of the quote.

Any volunteers?