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Wait … let me try to stop laughing long enough to write this.

I do not know why I did not think of this sooner … like maybe 20 Robocalls ago or so.

This has been a political season filled with money. Lots and lots of money. Money spent on all kinds of Campaigning and Advertising.

TV Ads, Radio Ads, Print Ads, Mailers, Rallies, Door Hangers, Literature, Yard Signs, Offices, Staff and … the dreaded Robocalls.

The word that strikes fear in the heart of every red-blooded effort avoider like me.

For those of you not in a swing state or who do not have a telephone, let me explain the Wonder Of The Robocall.

Picture a big computer somewhere out there … hooked up to a phone … more like lots of phones. And all of them call out non-stop … all day … all night … telling people to vote … asking for money … begging for support … bad mouthing the opposition.

Now Robocalls are not without their merit … I mean how many people can say they were called personally by an ex-President?

Oh … everyone?

Okay then … I officially hate Robocalls, then.

Several times a day, people have to make the effort to get to the phone and answer. Only to get the always nasally voice … “Hello, this is Joe Schmidlap and I am running for Some Office. We really need your vote and …” *click*

After about the forty-seventh time doing this, most of us are maybe a bit frazzled. Perhaps even angry.

We curse the election gods for not striking these machines down dead in their paths.

I have learned two important things this election cycle.

One thing is that if you attend political sessions from both parties, you get twice the Robocalls.

Lucky me.

The other is that there is a solution … and it is quite simple.

Talk back.

As I picked up the phone for the fourth Robocall of the day, I was greeted by a voice belonging to a politician who is not running for office.

“Hello, this is Joe Schmutz. You know me. I am calling to tell you to vote.”

And for whatever reason, madness struck. And I spoke.

“Why yes, Hello. So nice of you to call, you idiot moron you.” I felt better instantly. was idiot moron too harsh?

“We all know what a great job I have been doing here in the state.” he said. And I thought of all he had done to hurt teachers and firefighters and …

“Yes I know exactly what you have done … nothing good.” I said sweetly into the phone. Then started laughing uncontrollably. This was fun.

He continued “I hope we can count on your vote for my good friend Bob Whatsis.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it. Won’t vote for him even if my life depended on it.” I countered.

And it continued in that vein for a bit. He, blithering something I could not have cared less about … me responding, saying the things I could only dream of saying for real.

“Our party has to stick together in this election … unlike that other party.” he said.

“Yes, I am one of those evil other people. So glad you noticed.” I responded.

“Thank you for your support.” he concluded.

“And thanks for letting me let you know exactly what a useless windbag you are.” I replied enthusiastically.

I recommend this approach highly. I am now laughing as I type. They had to pay for a Robocall. And I got to say things I wish people would say.

Do it. Be outrageous. Let him or her know exactly how you feel. No matter what.

It really helps.

The Robocalls will in all likelihood continue until the Election. I wish it was otherwise. As one of the articles below says “Make It Stop”.

But if not … Talk Back!

UPDATE: 6:39 PM – The Dangers of Using Robocalls when you are not competent

I just got a call from my friend Linda … saying she had just gotten a personalized call … just for her. … after all he said so. It went something like this …

“Hello, Michelle. This is Mitt Romney. I am calling you, personally, Michelle to let you know that I need your vote on Tuesday. … blah blah blah … Don’t forget Michelle, get out and vote for me.”

I am thinking this might have elicited something other than outright laughter if he had actually gotten the name right.