… to mourn the loss of a truly … great product? well-loved treat? classic confection?

More like a calorie packed sugar high.

Or so I always thought.

Rumor has it that the much beloved Twinkie will be no more.

Now we all know that every child who carried a packed lunch back in the day wanted a sweet treat to round out the sandwich and piece of fruit in the lunch box or bag.

Containing 150 calories each. And of the 150 calories, 41 came from fat.

Numerous jokes went around about its ingredients … and the fact that it had a shelf life somewhere in the neighborhood of a hundred years.

The Twinkies and Ho-Ho’s and Snoballs of the world just seemed a little too sweet for my tastes. Was there a healthier alternative?

I was always more of a Little Debbie person myself.

So instead of a Twinkie, my lunch often contained that all time favorite, the one, the only, the healthy … Oatmeal Creme Pies … Surely it was healthier, right?

So I looked it up … and there it was … Oatmeal Creme Pies … complete with 170 calories (63 from fat).

What? Twenty more calories? And a half more fat? How could that be?

Well, I comforted myself, more often than not I carried the Little Debbie Swiss Rolls. And after all, they are more like Twinkies anyhow. I’ll bet they are healthier.

So I looked them up.

There it was … Little Debbie Swiss Rolls … which weigh in at … 270 Calories (108 from fat).

Still being on Team Little Debbie, I rationalized that the Little Debbie Swiss Rolls were probably more like the Twinkies with Banana Creme … and that surely those had to have more calories, right?

So I looked it up.

Twinkies with Banana Creme?  … oh … 150 Calories (41 from fat) The same as regular Twinkies.

Well, so much for my fantasies of a Little Debbie Diet to Take-off Twenty.  

I guess I will join the rest of the mourners who are grieving over the loss of the beloved Twinkies.

But somehow, the grieving is taking on a more cynical nature.

Do these people not realize the importance of all of this?

No more pre-packaged sugar to carry in non-destructable treats in non-destructable plastic.

No more sugar hyperactivity in  small children.

No more Twinkie defense for diminishing the defendant’s responsibility for the alleged crime.

No more Twinkies Diets.

No more T.W.I.N.K.I.E. studies to test the insulative, electrically resistive, radioactive, and gravitational properties of the “Standard Twinkie”.

No more deep-fried Twinkies at state fairs.

No more American Classic.

Good News, though.

This whole action does not affect the production of Twinkies in Canada, which will continue its production.

Let the rejoicing begin.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WJXyipuHlao&feature=youtu.be