God. On Facebook. Where you can actually type things to him. And ask him questions.
What a concept.
I have no idea where this idea got started or who is behind it, but I have to admit that I like his style.
For a while now, I have had the “God” posts appear on my feed in my Facebook account. On this page, God has often reached out to the depressed and rebuked the arrogant. I must admit the posts have cheered me up on more than one occasion.
Today when I, for some reason, am still feeling badly about the recent death of Robin Williams. The man who “clicked” on so many levels with my life.
Today there was an interesting picture / meme out there. Got me thinking.
I had a friend once who, after being divorced by her physician husband, found herself living in her car.
She had a stack of bills beside her on the passenger seat and no money to pay any of them. She started to pray … “Dear God … I really need money. I know you will provide. Please take care of my bills. Amen.”
No, there were no voices from above. No, there was no burning bush. No, her bills were not miraculously paid.
But there were people. In short order, it was brought to her attention by some new friends that what she needed to do in life was to stop drinking, start living, and once again become a productive member of society.
Which she did.
She is now happily married, has had a child, and is gainfully employed as a teacher for a local school district.
Sometimes I guess God speaks through others.
And sometimes … sometimes I think He speaks out on Facebook.
You know, I’ve often thought that it would be really cool if God could leave notes for me … preferably on a long yellow legal pad … left on my kitchen counter. It would make daily choices so much easier.
I could write “Hey God … what do you think about that new guy I’ve started dating.”
And God could write “Well, he’s probably OK for fun. But I don’t think you want to marry him or anything.”
For those who may not use Facebook … and yes, there are a few … although they probably don’t read my blog … at any rate … here is God’s weekly post with Answers to Questions from Humans that have been written to Him.
At least I assume God is a Him.
AND NOW the answers to this week’s edition of ASK GOD!
1. HUMAN: What’s the first thing you said to Robin Williams when he got to Heaven? And is he finally happy?
GOD: I said, “It’s okay, Robin. Get over here and get a hug from God. Alright, now come on! There’s seating near the front. The concert begins at 5:00. It’ll be Mozart, Elvis, and anyone of your choosing.” On the way over I told him a joke that began, “Two Jews walk into a bar…” and I’m proud to say, he laughed. He’s loving it here and is finally happy and at peace.
2. HUMAN: Robin Williams once said “Do you think God gets stoned? I think so. Look at the platypus” so…..do you get stoned?
GOD: He’s right! I created weed, so, of course the LORD gets stoned. Probably too much. I was really partying hard during the seven days of creation. It led to some really wacky results. Have you ever just stared at your hand, man? There’s some WEIRD shit going on there. Anyway…don’t tell Jesus.
3. HUMAN: If all dogs go to Heaven do they attend the same parties as humans? And if so do you give them the ability to speak?
GOD: Yes! All dogs go to Heaven and you can actually talk to them. Sometimes in the middle of a sentence they’ll just stop and say, “Hold on a second, I need to lick my balls.”
4. HUMAN: Is Bruce Jenner’s old face in Heaven?
GOD: Yes, we gave it a nice home. Now it gets to run free and play all day long.
5. HUMAN: My question is, how are you doing God?
GOD: Just fine and dandy! Don’t worry about good old God, I’m doing well. Thanks for asking though. How are you?
6. HUMAN: Why did you take Robin Williams and leave the Westboro Baptist Church?
GOD: He’s hilarious! Heaven just became a much funnier place. Haven’t you noticed it’s been raining more in the last few days? That’s because Robin had all the angels laughing so hard they were crying.I don’t want to hang out with any Westboro people. They suck.
7. HUMAN: When will you finally destroy Westboro Baptist Church?
GOD: I am in the process of doing that now. I am running a fundraiser at the moment to post “God Loves Gays” billboards in their hometown of Topeka, Kansas from now until they have been annihilated.
At the associated godlovesgaypeople.com website I will provide outreach to help members of the cult who want to get out. I am also donating 10% of the funds raised to a gay rights charity.
If you want to help this worthy cause, please consider donating just one dollar to the campaign. If everyone donates just one dollar, we will have enough to keep the billboard there for 1 year.