(sung to the tune of Deck Them Halls)

Someone messed up big time (Holly)
 Fa La La La La – La La – La –  La

Break ends early, big time folly
 Fa La La La La – La La – La –  La

Did the break without the mike on
 Fa La La – La La La – La – La –  La

Said the underwriters name wrong
 Fa La La La La – La La – La –  La

OK, so maybe I’m being just a teensy bit rough on myself.

And needless to say, tonight was one of my shifts for the NPR station here locally. I still can’t believe they let me play with all that equipment.

And it wasn’t big time mess ups … really.  Sort of.

My delivery could have been a whole lot smoother. Was sorely tempted to not say my name tonight … or to use somebody else’s name.

Speaking of which … on one underwriter announcement … you know the old “All Things Considered is supported by listeners like YOU … and by the Big Wonderful Corporation that does Big Wonderful Things … AND … Some Other Business or Something wishing you and yours a wonderful New Year”

Except tonight I said “All Things Considered is supported by listeners like YOU … and by Joe Schmutz … oh … that’s DOCTOR Joe Schmutz and Doctor Suzy Schmutz …”

Then, as if that wasn’t enough, at the end of a Promo “… yes it will be a great show …” I am then supposed to say, over the music in the background, “That’s heard here on this station on Sunday at 3 PM.”

Except if you forget to push the ON button to the mike and just turn on the volume … then realize it halfway through … it comes out a lot like this …

“… yes it will be a great show … (dumdedumdedumdumdumlalala) … NDAY AT 3 PM”

Oh yes I did.

Then, just because the radio gods thought I had a keen sense of humor, I was doing a 90 second break. Thirty of me talking over some music, Thirty of a prerecorded promo, and Thirty of me talking over the music that the show Fresh Air provides.

So it went something like this:

“Talkety talk talk talk” (30 seconds – nice music I picked in the background)
“Talkety talk talk talk” (30 seconds – prerecorded promo)
“Talkety talk talk talk” (30 seconds – me reading 30 seconds of stuff over the music on Fresh Air)
“It’s 7:30” (me over the music on Fresh Air)

Music from Fresh Air continues to play in the background.
And continues to play.
Holly looks at program countdown.
It says music will play in the background for another 24 seconds.

24 more seconds of dead air … with music playing in the background.

Now if I were a seasoned veteran, maybe I could have told a joke … or something … or read the weather … even though I had just read it 4 minutes earlier.

But I am not a seasoned veteran … so instead I am still wondering how, after doing 90 seconds of stuff in a 90 second break, I still had 24 seconds left after I realized the show was not restarting.

Suffice it to say tonight was not one of my better efforts.

Maybe next Tuesday they will still let me come back and play with the toys again.

Maybe nobody will listen to the show skim of my part.

Maybe someone will knock on my door.

And give me a check for a million dollars.

Hey, I can hope can’t I?

I really do enjoy doing this … seriously.