My sides have stopped hurting, but the smile is permanently etched on my face.
Some background … I have many friends, relatives and acquaintances … some are regular folks like myself … and some are rather famous … at least as far as the world thinks. But I know that all people are fundamentally the same.
When looking at the Facebook posts from regular folks like myself, the topics range from kids to jobs to weather … and most of them are upbeat and funny. Strangely enough, the same can be said of the famous high-powered folks as well … except they travel more and in better style.
But we can all identify with the feelings …
But sometimes … sometimes Karma catches up with you … or something like that. Such was the case these past twenty-four hours. It features a friend who regularly travels internationally … and always in style … negotiating high-powered business deals and helping worthy causes where possible. A good-natured man I will call Mr. Famous. He has no children.
Of course the names will be changed and a few folks combined to protect the innocent.
The scene is aboard a domestic coast-to-coast flight … you know … the kind that lasts forever under the best of circumstances. After booking the flight at the last minute, my friend Mr. Famous rushes aboard totally worn out from negotiating a rather large business deal. And finds himself unceremoniously seated in Coach. With interesting results.
And here is the unedited Facebook feed …
Mr. Famous: Scientific proof that there is no God — screaming family of 6 (including the parents) directly behind me for my 6.5 hour Coach flight…
(two minutes later)
Mr. Famous: Just kidding, God-fearing folks — but ask me again in about 7 hours…
High School Buddy: Indirect proof …., by proving Hell does exist you prove God is real.
Me: lollolol … hang in there … Makes you wish you had had a dozen … not.
Mr. Famous: @High School Buddy — excellent point! Pondering my sins right now 🙂
European Friend: You need 6.5 hours for that? … WOW!!
European Rich Hobby Buddy: Just give them rich trinkets to play with.
Mr. Famous: @European Friend — right! @European Rich Hobby Buddy — there are laws against that in the US 🙂
Mr. Famous: Seat next to me now occupied by a man with Giant Scrotum Syndrome — GSS … you know, knees spread waaaaayyy apart…
European Friend: Aha … now THAT IS proof there is a God! hahaha
Me: GSS .. hahahahaha … forgive me for getting enjoyment from your pain … ho ho ho ho ho.
West Coast Friend: I like the one eye perspective. : ) r u home yet?
Texas Friend: Thanks for my chuckle today! I must have just missed you – flew home from there yesterday, in coach, but with an angelic 10-year-old next to me.
(At this point I started to settle down a bit … after all, how much more funny could it be, right? Silly me …)
West Coast Friend: Love your posts………..so ethereal!
High School Buddy: HAHAHAHAHA What, no First Class?
Another Friend: Did u hear me LOL?? I really need this laugh, although at your expense.
Exceedingly Well-Known Rich Guy: Or you were being punished for something done in another life… karma !
(There was then a several hour lull … theoretically as Mr. Famous, GSS Guy and “the little family that could” made its way across the great expanse that is our country here.. But I couldn’t get it off my mind.)
Me: Meanwhile …. 7 hours later … so how is the big Mr. Famous doing now? Children sedated? … GSS guy averted? … Mr. F finds religion? Inquiring readers want to know!
Mr. Famous: Update — actual count is 8 children, 2 parents. Kids all have old world Biblical names and are being home schooled.
Mr. Famous: Dad slept the whole time with a scarf wrapped around his head while Mom shouted things like “Jedediah! Bartholomew! Ezra! Look out the window at the city down there! This is for your home schooling!”
Mr. Famous: Never knew that the sum total of home schooling was understanding that cities sit on the ground.
Mr. Famous: I have nothing against Biblical names, large families, or home schooling — unless all three are about 6 inches behind my head being administered at 103db by a younger Frances McDormand.
Mr. Famous: As for GSS Guy, his knees got closer but his shoulders seemed to grow wider with each passing hour.
Mr. Famous: The good news is that we gained a new client today…
High School Buddy: OMG
Me: … this is hysterical … can’t stop laughing … And congrats on the new client … (and many more ….)
Mr. Famous: The Waltons meet Fargo…
Mr. Famous: @High School Buddy — last-minute trip, hence no upgrade 😦 @Exceedingly Well-Known Rich Guy — I would hate to think that, after 20+ years of xxxxx collecting and supporting the independent xxxxx movement, I may be remembered by you, the Impressario of 21st Century xxxxxmaking, as The Guy Who Hated The Loud Kids!
Exceedingly Well-Known Rich Guy: LOLLLL
Mr. Famous: — made it home at last! May have many more trips to there in my future, which is the good/bad part, I suppose. Sorry I missed you, @Texas Friend! Seems we skate by each other in the ether quite a bit.
High School Buddy: Glad you made it home, believe me I have suffered through that trauma. OH, BTW what time is it? LOL
Asian Friend: just got back from London, the Singapore Airlines stewardesses were pretty and charming, and HIGHLY approachable. fellow travellers were jolly and considerate. the food was very good, there were no air turbulence, and watched the new Bourne movie and listen to Dizzy Gillespie and fell asleep like a baby. There is a God, protecting those who are without the (latest super expensive item) :)-
Mr. Famous: @Asian Friend: — the absence of a (latest super expensive item) is its own punishment, of course! When I fly Singapore it seems I am always served by the only male steward on the flight…
Asian Friend: there is also a reason why MALE stewards choose, volunteer, even fight to serve you…its either the (latest super expensive item you have) or your irresistible good looks :)-
Mr. Famous: Let’s hope it’s the former 🙂
Asian Friend: good night mate, getting an hour shut-eye and off to Hong Kong early morning.
And thus endeth the posts … Jedediah, Nehemiah, Ezra, Bartholomew, et al are safely tucked in bed I’m thinking … GSS Guy has his own stories of sitting next to Mr. Famous and in front of the Walton-Fargo family … and my friend Mr. Famous is back home where he is no doubt enjoying life.
As for me, I got the best laugh I have had in a long time.