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calvin and hobbesTo be perfectly honest I don’t usually do New Years Resolutions.

My birthday is usually around Rosh Hashanah, and one of the traditions involves making amends, casting off old bad habits and celebrating a new year to come.

And I’m not even Jewish.

Rosh Hashanah is the Jewish New Year and according to Jewish tradition marks the anniversary of the creation of the world.

Well, it certainly marked the creation of my world.

I have done New Years Resolutions before. And perhaps I should do some this year. Seriously.

Just for practice.

resolutionsBut what to put on the list …

I went out onto the internet to do some research on it all and came up with what some other folks have done for resolutions …

… and I see that I am not the only one to have difficulty in coming up with ideas.

Or sticking to them.

That’s vaguely comforting in a perverse kind of way, I suppose.

new years resolutions 1996Then I went rooting around my old papers … I knew it was in there somewhere.

Okay, so to put this in context … 1996 … I was a few years into a relationship … when he decided to go back to the woman he had really loved off and on since childhood.

Which I encouraged.

After all, when your heart is somewhere else …

Engaged – Thanksgiving; Moved there – Christmas; Back on my doorstep – mid-blizzard January.

Should have encouraged him to stay / go back there. I mean, if he felt strongly enough to do it in the first place …

Would have saved me years of being with the wrong person. Yes, it took me from 1997 till the spring of last year to be free of it all.

I hate to hurt people’s feelings.

And no, this was not the heartbreak that led to the Happy Holly Project.

Which brings me to this year. What to Resolve?

No More Caffeine ?

Fnewyearsresolutionor several years, each New Years Eve, I would vow to give up caffeine.

No more coffee for me, boy.

This usually resulted in several days of excruciating caffeine headaches … followed by decaf coffee … followed by the blissful reintroduction of coffee into my life.

These days I have one cup of coffee or tea in the morning and that’s usually it … iced tea notwithstanding.

No need for caffeine deprivation on this years list.

Be A Better Housekeeper ?

Ha ha ha … me … housekeeper … same sentence … oh, that’s rich.

And truth be told … besides the fact that Betty Crocker and Martha Stewart and I share no common genes … since I have been renovating the house, its pretty darned clean and easy to take care of.

Amazing what not living with a hoarder will do to improve your housekeeping skills.

I think this is as good as its going to get around here.

Nope, not for the list this year.

Lose Weight ?

Seriously now folks, I am lucky if I can avoid all bad food … even for a week.

Eating healthy food, like on my 1996 resolution list, was responsible for my weight loss of a fair chunk of weight a few years ago. But that was inspired by a health scare … and the realization that life was indeed finite.

And after all, am I not the person who came up with the food prescriptions for all that ails you?

How can I not follow my own advice, right?

Scratch that from the list then, too.

Exercise ?

Well, truth be told, I did lose a lot of weight that year that I did the thing with the exercise bicycle.

But then, I was 25 years younger back then, too.

Could walking up and down the steps in my house count as exercise?

I’ll have to think on some … other ways to exercise.

Not for the list, though.

Financial Independence ?

I am thinking that in order to save money, and be Financially Independent, you first have to actually make some money. Okay, then.

So what can I do to make lots and lots of money?

Next Great American Novel? … okay … not even I believe that one.

Sell body parts? … illegal, you say? … and mostly unusable anyhow.

Money laundering? … oh … that’s illegal too? … oh well, I have enough trouble with clothes laundering … money would probably need ironed or something.

Never did understand all that.

And yes, my Great-Aunt Hilda used to wash and iron her money.

Seriously.

All right, scratch Financial Independence from the list. What the heck. Money and Financial Independence is vastly over-rated anyway … at least that’s what I tell myself every time I roll pennies.

Find A Playmate ?

Now this has some promise.

If you notice the fine print in my 1996 Resolutions above, you will see that the last one says “I will keep my eyes open for a playmate … someone with a passion like mine … who likes to laugh.”

Passion and Intimacy? … Romance and Joy? … Laughter … and Love?

Well … I have been getting over heartbreak … for over a year … and writing the Happy Holly Project … for half a year … and writing in a private journal … for over a year.

Hm.

And I do love to laugh.

new years res

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