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Ivory coast in au

Ivory coast in au (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

And here I thought it was going to be a bad day … just getting over a cold … crummy political stuff going on … then I got my emails.


A France Based investor from your country who was a business tycoon, a cocoa Merchant and a contractor with Ivory Coast Government who died in a plane crash on Tuesday August 16, 2005 in Venezuela has come to the limelight in our bank …

What? Gee … and the sender’s name is Johnson Jacob. Well, that’s a good American name. No Ethiopian scams going on here, right?

And he was a Business Tycoon AND a Cocoa Merchant AND a contractor with the Ivory Coast Government. That sounds legitimate doesn’t it? What else?

… because since 2005 that he died his portfolio and investment of 9.8 Million Pounds has not been touch because no name next-of-kin was found in his bio-data form, …

One Pound Sterling

One Pound Sterling (Photo credit: Stuart R Brown)

OK, so the grammar is not the best. Never heard of a bio-data form. I’m sure that doesn’t mean anything bad. So what else?

… if you are familiar with Investment Banking affairs,those who patronize our services usually prefer anonymity with some levels of detachment from conventional processes – now this investment has generated a huge accrued interest to the amount of 1.3 Million British Pounds after this end of the year general auditing because he was operating a pounds account.

Now that was the longest sentence I’ve seen in a long time. But hey, 1.3 Million British Pounds. And lets hear it for anonymity and detachment from conventional processes.

Oh Goodie. What else?

The bank management has therefore authorized me as the Funds Manager/Managing Director of one Investment Banking Division of this Bank – to locate any living relative of this investor to apply for an inheritance claim so that the accrued interest can be paid to the family of the late Depositor which is inline with the banking rules, ethics and operatives.

Nothing like being inline with the banking rules, ethics and operatives. I feel better already. Sounds like a fine upstanding person, no?

This is where your name came in and this mail is at your door step.

Must be a mistype … this didn’t come to my door step … and … wait a minute … it didn’t have my name on it either. Oh well. No problem. Moving right along. Next?

Pls contact me immediately so that I can furnish you with the detail. Mind you, I do not care whether you are truly related to this investor or not but for the fact that you know nothing about this money before and I am the one that comes to you – we are sharing this money 50/50.

Well, if you don’t care, I don’t care. Since we are sharing 50/50 and … hey … wait a minute. Don’t you usually have to be related to … oh well … it’s a lot of money … and gosh, that’s what I would do … reach out to a complete stranger. So what else is there?

… and it didn’t end there, the bank will only as of this moment based on your request release the accrued interest of 1.3 Million British Pounds to you as the next-of-kin which simply means the investment will still remain and every year you will be collecting the interest on the investment which we will be sharing 50/50 subsequently, I will see to it that this arrangement work-out perfectly cos it is risk free as I have taken care all necessary steps before contacting you.

Wasn’t that nice of them to have taken care of all the necessary steps before contacting me? And OK, it’s not actually getting the whole thing it’s getting the interest. And OK, it’s not actually getting the whole interest its getting half of the interest. Cos it is risk free. But … what else?

Pls if for any reason you are skeptical or see or consider this classified information contained in this mail to be scam, spam. junk or hoax simply delete it and forget I ever contacted you …

Yeah, I could just totally forget I ever got this. Wouldn’t dream of running it by someone else … or a lawyer … or a law enforcement officer … or anything.

Or wondering why you are reaching out to a perfect stranger. Or questioning your bad grammar or use of the word “cos” in a business document.

Because this is a pretty good deal. Nope, wouldn’t even cross my mind.

… because this is a God given opportunity but if you understand my point in this mail and ready to work with me to actualize this project to claim this God blessing, send to me in your return mail your most direct telephone number.

Oh well, since you used the word “God” … twice … then this just has to be a real thing. I mean, nobody would ever use “God” to try to pull the wool over somebody’s eyes now, would they?

Best regards,
Johnson Jacob

Gee. Almost like this was written by someone who doesn’t know that last names come second or something. Probably nothing to worry about.

So, although I have really enjoyed doing this blog all these months, I guess I’ll be really busy here soon.

You know. Since I have been specially picked. To claim this God-given God blessing.

Won’t be blogging any more.

Since I’ll be really really rich.

I mean they sent this letter … especially to me … and didn’t even need to put my name on it … because they knew what a special opportunity this was for me.

Just seems like I have all the luck.

English: Logo for The Next Tycoon

English: Logo for The Next Tycoon (Photo credit: Wikipedia)