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… riiiiggghhht.

Well, I have been thinking of losing a bunch of weight and getting in shape for the upcoming … rest of my life. Oh, and that dating thing. That too.

10 Years Younger (US)

10 Years Younger (US) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I was thinking the only way to look 10 years younger was to actually be 10 years younger.

But ever the optimist (see yesterdays post) I clicked on the link from my email to see what the deal was.

There was no reference to any fountain of youth, although there was a link at the bottom of the page to another page in which you could buy various things to help this whole getting younger process.

It was called Old School New Body …. and featured two folks, theoretically five years younger than me. In shape and looking young. And it can be done in only 90 minutes a week.

Well that’s believable, right?

oldschool-newbody3Furthermore, the follow-up page had several items with the word FACT: … one in red, one in blue, one in green, and one in purple. Obviously lending credence to the claims.

A well known fact, if it’s on the internet … and in color … and especially in BOLD PRINT, then it has to be true. I think it’s a law or something.

So. What was the key … other than the purchased items.

Well, here are the five magic things you have to do.

Step 1: Forget Low-Fat Diets

Now this caught my attention. I was thinking of a high-protein low carb type modified Dr. Atkins thing. But forget low-fat diets?  Great.

Done. *wonders if she can dig the bag of candy out of the garbage can*

Next?

Step 2: Stop Running in Circles

It says that going to the gym and doing exercises … repetitive circular exercises … actually accelerates the aging process by increasing free radicals.

Those tricky free radicals. Who knew going to the gym got radicals out of jail? Certainly don’t want to do that.

And if I have to avoid gyms for the safety of my country, that’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.

Next?

Step 3: Stop Blaming Everything On How Old You Are

Yes, but … it’s such an easy excuse.

I have grown children because I am so old. I can say what I want because I am so old. I can go where I want because I am so old.

OK.

I’ll come up with another excuse.

So far this is pretty easy. I think I can feel those 10 years falling off already.

Next?

Step 4: Avoid Chronic Dehydration

Well, what’s a few glasses of water between friends.

I mean, it’s all for a good cause. I had no idea it was going to be this easy.

“Within a few weeks, the change to your face and body will be noticeable.”

Lucky I came across this information.

Next?

Step 5: Work Out LESS (Yes, Less)

*Holly starts to do a happy dance in the comfort of her own room*

Work out LESS, Work out LESS, Oh Yes, OH Yes, Work Ou…. wait a minute … Work Out? But I thought …

Then I saw three more caveats at the bottom of the screen … right before the link to the next page.

If you enjoy spending an hour a day working out, this is NOT for you.

No problem. Hate working out. Next?

If you think you can “cycle” or run … this is not for you.

1342197651632_4697641Ditto this.

For obvious reasons.

Although cycling was a favorite thing to do when I was younger, I was far younger.

I ran in college.

Pretty sure that lasted all of a week.

… if you are not prepared to work very, very hard for a very short period of time, this is not for you.

Darn!

And we were doing so well right up to that last point.

Back to the emails.

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