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OK, so I can’t wax poetic about orange because, after all, nothing rhymes with it. But still …

I think it all started with the ice cream … Dreamsicle flavor … and who doesn’t like Dreamsicles … and it went from there.  At least that’s what I’m blaming it on.

Dreamsicles are orange.the pic on my Woot shirt - era 2007

It being the Fourth of July tomorrow and all … and today being Dependence Day (see the pic of my tshirt, left) I set out in search of something fun just for funs sake.

My toenails. I can paint my toenails. That would be fun. What can possibly go wrong with that, right? The other day I had purchased a lovely shade of pinkish melon nail polish for just this thing. Should go spendidly with my matching purse and sandals.

So although I had only painted my toenails a few times in my life, I quickly set about making my toes into a work of art. Sort of. Just like the women in the movies back in the forties, I stuck little cotton balls between each of my toes. And with all the care reserved for a Picasso, I painted my toenails with the lovely shade of pinkish melon nail polish.

My toenails are orange.

Orange does not go with my matching purse and sandals. And they look horrid next to my pasty white legs.  Hey, what more could go wrong, right? So I went in search of the perfect artificial tan. There are a few tubes of glop somewhere around here that should do the trick.

First I carefully washed and exfoliated my face and legs. Okay, I took a shower and rubbed real hard with the towel, but still … And went looking for the tubes of artificial tan which were hiding somewhere in the house.

Two tubes of glop later, I began to apply the “just use this each day on your face for a lovely, natural looking tan” to my face and neck.  Followed with the generous application of “instant natural flash tan for your legs when applied properly” to my legs.

And washed my hands so I wouldn’t have an UN-natural tan on my palms. Wouldn’t want to give away that it was less than a natural looking hard-earned tan, now would we?  And after all, I had gotten the leg glop from an upscale department store, at the upscale makeup counter. For an upscale price. Wait an hour and …

My legs are orange.

I can’t bring myself to look in the mirror at my face. Oh well, at least my legs match my toenails now.